we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
