I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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