My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
