fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
