does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
