somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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