I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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