They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
