He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
