Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
