i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
