dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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