i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Everyone says I win the strip club
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
