Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
