Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
do herpes really smell.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
