Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
