I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
