An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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