i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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