i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
