Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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