At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
