I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
