I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize