I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
