i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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