There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
The beer is more important than you right now.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
