A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
