OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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