The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
