anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
