Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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