By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
