Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
