were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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