Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
