I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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