roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
