But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize