So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
