You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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