I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize