Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
