dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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