the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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