I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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