i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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