my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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