WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize