the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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