It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
