I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize