Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
