What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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