Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
