My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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