you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
