We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
