So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
