I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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