Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
