Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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