your thong is hanging out like whoa
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
