and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
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