I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
