woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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