Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
