You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
