I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
