There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
