it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
