pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
