he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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