I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
