The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
