the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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