shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
